Experiencing loss of any kind can be one of the most difficult journeys we take in life. Whether you’ve lost a child, a close friend, a sibling, a parent or a spouse, you’ll soon find that grief takes no holiday. It knows not skin color, economic status or gender. Grief, like waves on the ocean, moves and flows with a mind and intention all its own.
In the beginning, grief can seem like a hurricane, pounding and driving with a supernatural force and power. As time goes on, though, grief becomes a rogue wave, sneaking up when you least expect it, overtaking you until you’re underneath it, drowning in its grip. After I lost my father, I felt as though I were sinking to the bottom of the ocean of grief. I could barely make it through a meal, brushing my teeth, or even grocery shopping without the pain cropping up and reminding me how much I missed him. Now, nearly two years later, it’s as though grief is playing a sneaky game of hide-and-seek. Most of the excruciating pain has subsided. Hope and happiness have once again been found. Yes, I think about my dad each day. There are joyful memories that bring a smile to my face or a chuckle to my throat. But then….peek-a-boo! Here comes grief again when I least expect it. One day, it jumped right out in the form of a Rock-n-Roll song by Grand Funk Railroad (one of my dad’s favorite bands). The next thing I know, I’m sitting at a stop light, smiling that “his” song was on the radio, but also weeping because the pain of missing him was just too much in that very moment in time. So what did I do? Did I pound the steering wheel and shout in anger that my dad is gone? Nope…I sang along with the radio and let the tears fall.
When you experience grief, and everyone will at some point in time, I encourage you to allow yourself to feel every emotion that washes over you. Sadness, anger, shock, despair, disappointment, rage, loneliness, doubt, fear….I could go on and on….they are all very real and very normal. Don’t restrain yourself from the heart’s need to process and cleanse itself of the hurt. Find someone you can talk to about your feelings. Let your words flow freely. Tell why it’s not fair that they’re gone. Recount fond memories. Laugh about good times you had. All of these will help you to move through your grief and come out stronger and more able to cope when the waves come rolling in again in the future.
That’s the thing about grief. Since it comes in waves, we must learn to ride them with grace. Sometimes we are tossed about and can’t find our footing. Other times we are able to hold on and ride it out to the safety of the shore. There is no right or wrong way to experience it. In a way, we must learn to embrace and accept its presence in our lives. You see, grief is a good indicator that we loved and loved deeply. Grief, after all, is the hole that is left in our heart when the person we love is no longer available to share that love. ♥♥♥
Crossroads Mental Health Services 