This might sting a little. It may even step on your toes, but it’s for your own good. Actually, it’s for your child’s own good. Parents, repeat after me: “No”. Say it again, “No”. Such a simple, small little word, yet so hard for so many parents to say. I’m as guilty as the next mom or dad. It’s hard to say no these days…to anything, especially our kids. We live in a world that promotes instant gratification at every turn. Entertainment can be found at the push of a button. Food can be prepared as quickly as a person can say “please pull to the first window.” It’s no wonder we’ve lost our ability as parents to make our kids wait, or even (GASP!) do without.
I have an influx of parents that I’ve worked with over the last several years who have extreme difficulty saying no to their kids. Countless times I’ve heard “I can’t take their cell phone away…..they’ll get mad at me” or “I just give in so he/she doesn’t throw a fit.” I can hardly blame them, though. Have you seen the gadgets and designer duds children and adolescents are wearing these days? We buy our kids the latest and greatest out of fear that they’ll be bullied or picked on or hate us. Sometimes, saying yes is so much easier than saying no. We’re tired, stressed out and don’t have the energy to fight one more battle in our already stretched thin day. I get it….BUT….it’s ruining our kids. Yes, I said it. Our kids are being spoiled and set up for complete failure in their once bright futures.
The affects of not saying no (sorry for the double negative) can now be seen with a vengeance in the modern workforce. Kids that were always told yes to any and every whim they ever had are extremely difficult to manage and direct. Ask any CEO of any size company and they’ll tell you — the number one “skill” they wish college grads had these days is the ability to take guidance and direction. Unfortunately, there is so much amazing potential that goes unused because spoiled adults want to be rich, famous and the boss of everything and they want it RIGHT. NOW.
So what can we do to prevent this unbecoming characteristic from taking over our kids? First and foremost, we must tell ourselves every single day (maybe even every single hour) that we are our child’s PARENT, not their best friend, not their buddy, not their number one homie. There’ll be plenty of time for friendship with our kids once they are grown and living productive lives on their own. For now (or at least between the ages of 0 and 18), we must set boundaries and limits. This means they might really dislike you at times. That’s okay…they’ll get over it. It means they might throw a fit or two. That’s okay…you’ll get past it. Whatever you do, it’s important to show your child that they are not the boss of your house, and that everyone (including you) is not subject to their demands. The next valuable thing we can do for our kids is give them chores and other responsibilities. Make them earn the newest toy or gadget they want so badly. Giving kids chores not only teaches them responsibility, it also helps them learn pride and self-confidence for a job well done. Finally, we must always remind our kids that we love them, but we will not allow them to become little Napoleon Bonapartes. Keep open communication with your kids about why they can’t have more screen time or why they can’t eat chocolate cake for breakfast. Reinforce that you want what is best for them not only now but when they are adults, which is why you have to tell them no. It’s even okay for you to say something like “it makes me sad that you can’t have the whole box of Chewy Chips Ahoy, too, dear…but it would make me even more sad to see you lose all of your teeth to cavities.”
Parenting is hard. Parenting in the new millennium is downright daunting. I can with 98% certainty guarantee (nothing is 100% guaranteed, right?) that you will thank yourself for learning that tiny, two letter word and committing it to your parental vocabulary. You know who else with thank you? Your child’s teachers, coaches, friends’ parents, future college professors, future bosses and future spouses. Most importantly — maybe not today or tomorrow or next week — one day, your child will thank you! ♥♥♥
Crossroads Mental Health Services 