Last week was a doozey. I’m not simply talking about busy schedules and running to and fro. Anything that could go wrong did, I needed to be in multiple places at once, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. On Monday the baby was sick. On Tuesday the oldest was sent home from school sick, where she stayed for the next four days. Every day was loaded with current and new clients on the books (not complaining about that!). A major cold front came through our area and brought with it lots of rain and wind. We operate a cattle ranch and for those that know, baby calves and freezing/wind/rain don’t mix well. To top it all off, the hubs woke up over the weekend with a massive case of pink eye. To say the least, I was stressed to the max.
I am definitely not alone when I say that this momma can get overwhelmed and tired. I can candidly tell you that I have found myself weighing whether or not I should just get in my car and drive till the gas runs out in order to escape the chaos that comes with parenthood, marriage, owning a business and all that other life stuff. After a few deep breaths and a little time in my happy place, the therapist in me takes over and becomes the voice of reason. I’m able to press on and put a plan together in order to get everything done.
But what about those moms and dads that just can’t seem to get their head above water? What relief can be found for those who feel as though they are drowning in stress, schedules and needy humans? The answer is so simple, yet difficult to implement: Self-Care.
Parents and caregivers need healthy self-care as much as they need a personal assistant. Remember the oxygen mask analogy — Anytime we fly on a plane, the flight attendant gives instructions on how to operate the oxygen mask should pressure in the cabin be lost. He or she specifically tells passengers to put on their own mask first before they help those around them. Why? Because we can’t help someone else survive if we aren’t first surviving ourselves. The same is true for parenting. Our kids feed off of the moods, emotions and stress that affects us. Ever heard the old saying “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?? Well, friends, there is a sliver truth to those words. If momma hasn’t showered or brushed her teeth in days because she’s been busy caring for sick babies, it’s more likely than not that her morale is sinking. If dad is running around like a chicken with his head cut off chauffeuring littles to school, daycare, activities and the like, you can bet his fuse will shorten down to nearly nothing by week’s end. We become cranky, irritable, anxious and depressed when we don’t take/make time to take care of ourselves.
“But how???” you may be asking. I know I find myself asking that question multiple times a week day. First, try to remember that self-care doesn’t mean that you need to spend hours upon end focusing on yourself. All you need is a few minutes here or there. Next, and probably most important, is to be intentional about caring for your own physical needs first. It’s helpful to shower and “get ready” for the day, even if you aren’t leaving the house. Yes, it’s tempting to stay in our jammies all day – BUT cleaning up and at least putting on real clothes improves our mood and starts our day off on the right foot. Plus, you can get in a decent session of deep breathing while you’re in the shower…alone. Be sure to take time to eat and get your water intake for the day. You will be no help to your spouse or kids if you are starving and grouchy. Finally, as hard as this one is, schedule in time during the week to do something enjoyable for yourself. I like to set a timer for 15 minutes one night per week to journal. I have friends that schedule “porch dates” with their spouse. Other friends schedule short bursts of time to engage in a hobby like painting, sewing/knitting or reading. Others utilize this same concept for exercise. Anything you can do that you enjoy and doesn’t involve serving someone else will vastly improve your mental and emotional state, leaving you better able to meet the needs of your family later. Speaking of schedules and calendars….be sure and make time to iron out all the details of yours on at least a weekly basis. Staying organized and aware of upcoming tasks, events and activities will not only help you regain a sense of control, it will also help you feel accomplished as you mark these items off your To Do list. Not to mention, it’s great for kids to see their parents model organization and planning.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that finding time for yourself can be hard, especially when your kids are little and can’t do much for themselves. Small changes and intentional choices can keep you going when the going gets tough. If your kids see you attempting to manage stress and busy-ness, they will learn this skill themselves. When all else fails, the kids are screaming, the house is a mess and another item is added to your list of mommy/daddy duties, practice deep breathing, close your eyes and escape to your happy place for a few seconds then carry on in the chaos. ♥♥♥
Crossroads Mental Health Services 